I Am The Maitreya

What’s with British people and Zombies? Fucking, wasted my $9 over that shit movie—28 Weeks Later. Worse, I still have that bad taste lingering in my head, senseless gore and graphics. Looks like the sun has entirely set on the
British Empire, the best they could do is Monty Python or hordes of Zombie movies. But have to give them one thing—music, they still have a better sense than Americans. The other day I was watching TV, and pbs had ‘

Faulty
Tower’ running, if you remember the British serial, Nepal TV used to run those on Saturdays. It was pretty funny, but ugly people. Sorry, Queen. Beside, Elizabeth Hurley, everyone there seems to be characters out of Charles Dickens novels. Eh! Enough of dishing English people, just because they make bad movies.  Last week was the movie week for me; I watched all the movies running on TV. Watched Lord of The Rings for 81^st times, Matrix for 145^th times, The Chronicles of Riddick 28^th times, Scent of a Women for 30^th times and Dead Poet’s Society for 25^th times, well, you got my point. So, this week, I have made a contract with my flat mates, that if they catch me watching TV for more than 30 minutes in one sitting, I will scrub the toilet bowls. That has kept me away from TV for at least last two days. Remarkable feats need remarkable determination.  Nothing interesting happening in my life, very bland. The major event could be–my passport expired, had to make a new one. Downloaded an application form from the Nepali Embassy in the
US. Their site has been under construction over one year, probably they are also waiting for the CA election, back home to fix it.  The queries in the forms are very ridiculous. Color of my hair, eyes, my complexion etc. etc. full of irrelevant information. 99% of Nepalis’ hair color would be black, with a few exceptions of albino, and eye color brown. If these characteristics are so prevalent, why have it there? What’s the purpose? I was baffled, when I had to fill in my complexion. What am I by Nepali standard? In my previous passport, I had, Olive. What would be the people of Taria? Oliver, Olivest? I presume, they go by dark—light dark, kharani dark or charcoal dark.  

I believe; the whole idea of this information is to identify, which population demography you fall into, not certainly for lost and found. A description like this wouldn’t help: A gentleman with black hair, brown eyes, olive skin, and of height 5 feet 2 inches, lost his passport in Ward No. 4, please, return if found. That would fit for all the Pahadis men. Fucking idiots of coveted Foreign Services, haven’t they heard of the word called ETHNICITY?  That single query would have sufficed.  And, the most amusing one was: Any peculiarities? With a big box to fill in, I was very tempted to fill in these, but I didn’t, since I needed to get my passport back.My peculiarities, not necessarily in order:

1. I hate Vyantak ko tarakari.
2. I get bad dreams when I am constipated.
3. I would want my girl friend to wear edible undergarments, possibly sprinkled with vanilla.
4. I can fart and sneeze at the same time.
5. And many more…

Surprisingly, I got my passport back in two weeks, as stipulated. For another ten years, I don’t have to answer these questions. So happy.